[ His eyes drift to the hands. There's something uncanny about them. Something that doesn't belong with the rest of Tristan. It makes his roommate all the more of an enigma. And Junpei immediately feels guilty. Tristan's got so much on their plate already, dealing with this place and their own unwritten story. Now they gotta deal with Junpei and his pathetic inability to get over something that happened a month ago. ]
You're probably the first person to ever say there's nothing wrong with my mind. If Yuka-tan heard that, she'd come back at you with a whole list of problems I got.
[ It's spoken with a little bit of his classic humor and a quirk of his lips. He's trying to find his cheer again, trying to make them not worry about him.
Junpei reaches out and takes the beckoning hand. It might be full of scars, but Junpei's not afraid to touch it -- to clasp it as though with a solemn vow. ]
I'll find my way through. There's no choice but to move forward. For both of us, right? So we'll just keep on going. Together.
[ His hand falls away at that point. ]
That's pretty insightful though. That thing you said about people. And I'd like to believe it's true. That someday I'll be okay again.
[Not broken doesn't necessarily mean not wrong - bad things can still be wrong, even if one is strong enough to bear them. but Tristan's eloquence is lacking; their earnestness is something they convey better through deeds than words.
that said, they lay their other hand atop Junpei's in a protective, reassuring fashion.]
I'll believe in you. And help, if I can. Let's see... [their eyes close as they think on the words - words that Aurora's translator has no means to convey through the device - words murmured gently before there is a slight buzz under their skin, a warmth that bleeds out.]
I'm searching for... The influence of outside forces that may linger around you...or have left their mark... Unseen things. Because if someone outside yourself...insisted your nightmares plague you...it may be something that can be unraveled.
[ Junpei's eyes widen when Tristan says what they do about outside forces. ]
Y-you mean like a curse?
[ Could he have been cursed?? God, if only it was that simple. Then again, there was something about that darkness on Mesa. Junpei had been exposed to it a few times and while he didn't fall victim, maybe something of it lingered? He hopes that's not the case!
And fortunately (perhaps unfortunately for a simpler solution to the problem), there's no magic forces. The only thing Tristan might sense is Junpei's persona Hermes, but that's always a part of Junpei. ]
A curse, a blessing, some... [their brow knits, trailing off.] ...power...outside yourself... [...]
No... That is yours, isn't it... [as far as a notion, it's blurry; like trying to see underwater. once they're sure that strange presence isn't something harmful, the spell ends and Tristan's grip eases. they do not let go of the hand, however, and blink their eyes open to look at Junpei with a bit of wonder.]
You didn't tell me you were host to your own well of power, Junpei.
[ There's a brief confusion. And then a light bulb goes off. ]
Oh! You mean my persona? I guess it kinda slipped my mind to mention it 'cause I need a tool in order to summon it. Until I get that, I'm just an ordinary guy, yanno? I guess it's a little like....a magic user with like crystals or something. You have the power, but you need a little something extra to bring it out.
[ He moves his hands back from Tristan's in order to reach out and ruffle their hair in that playful way of his. ]
Don't worry, dude. I wasn't trying to keep anything from ya!
[before the ruffle assault, Tristan's head cocks inquisitively. A tool? Like a focus or--there's the assault. they take it in stride, honestly kind of relishing how brazen Junpei is with being up in their space as he is; for someone so starved for contact and physical gestures of affection, Junpei's one helluva drug hit.]
I wouldn't-- Assume that... [they shake their head after being freed, smile twitching at a corner. no harm done: hair always ruffled and wavy.] But it only repeats a pattern with you. You've got more depths than you seem apt to presenting...
Though some, I understand your hesitance. [who wants to show and tell a trauma which haunts them in their sleeping hours?] But I do feel privileged to learn more about you.
[ Tristan's observation catches him off guard. It's...well, it's never happened before. Not really. That someone would see all of him -- beyond the parts he wants them to see. A faint flush spreads across his cheeks, and Junpei glances off, uncertain whether he should build a higher wall around himself or allow for this vulnerability. It's a strange place to be in and he's just a teenage boy with a whole lot of misconceptions about who he should be versus who he actually is. ]
Well, it's all about what people think of you, right? With the exception of you, I don't think anyone's all that interested in knowing much about me. So if I want people to accept me as a leader, I gotta show them what they want to see, right? Confidence, humor, charisma for days.
[ Junpei lets out a soft laugh, though forced, leaning against the back of the couch. His eyes sweep toward the ceiling. For now, he'll choose vulnerability -- if only because Tristan is a unique case where there has been zero judgement from them. ]
And definitely not that I'm some scared kid who is struggling to handle seeing death for the first time.
[Tristan folds their hands in their lap and instead looks ahead at nothing in particular, giving that sense of space while still sharing it. or at least, making an attempt at it. there's a tight knot of sadness, hearing what Junpei says. That can't be true, can it? Others surely want to know him.
they think on their own experience, on what leading and being led feels like. right away, that surly, sharp-tongued elkin Ul'grimm comes to mind, and moreover...
'Of course I'm scared! I see dead bodies wherever we go! But that doesn't change what we have to do, now does it?'
Ul'grimm may project that unflappable front, but Tristan's seen his hands tremble, noted how little sleep he got, seen the lengths he's gone...]
My...experiences are limited to what little I remember, but... it is my understanding that a fearless leader is a risky bet. [they look back to him.] Fear is a teacher, but it can also be a captor. The right balance is hard to ascertain...and harder to attain, I think. And a leader has to go on that journey, same as any, no?
The one whose guidance I rely on in the Mothwood... He fears much. But his fear has sown wisdom in some cases, and...callousness in others. [their eyes crinkle.] I think it is why he insists I follow my own impulses, counter to his, at times. ['the shadow of Tristan's light,' he called himself. there are still many feelings to wrestle in regard to that, but...]
[ It's almost like a reward when Tristan talks about their past. Not that they haven't been forthcoming when it came to talking about things and Junpei was certain they would answer any questions he asked. But it's nice when it comes up unprompted -- even if it's a tale of someone else in Tristan's life. The one in the Mothwood. ]
Do you trust yourself to be able to counter him? Or do you kinda feel like his trust in you in unearned?
[ A little bit like how Junpei feels toward Echo and their reasons for letting Junpei himself be here. ]
[Tristan breathes out a soft laugh.] I wonder about it. Sometimes, it feels so easy... And other times, I feel so very...small and lost that...that being trusted to follow my instincts seems to court disaster. The omen of my name doesn't seem to hinder him, though... And I trust him.
[how nice they're speaking to this now, in this place, as opposed to uhhhh two weeks again in campaign when Ul'grimm fucking kicked off WW3 or whatever]
But I think...I just mean to say that... Those who know you will trust you as you are. And...will help you when they can. But they have to know that you need the help. So...so being scared isn't always the weakness it feels.
[a bit of red has begun to tinge Tristan's features as they speak, a self-consciousness they're unused to holding of late resurfacing.]
Forgive me, Junpei. I...I won't tell you it's easy. It isn't. And I cannot heal that harm in you, no matter how much I wish to. But I hope I can help put you at ease should it resurface.
[ Junpei steps up with reassurance. He likes seeing this side of Tristan -- this bolder side that can reach into themselves and offer a great wisdom. Tristan's strength, it seems, is watching others and consistently learning. About them. About the way their mind works. And in turn about Tristan themself. Junpei would love to see more of it. Even if he will find himself the unfortunate subject of much of Tristan's observations.
Well, maybe that alone can give him strength. To try and be the best version of himself he can be! And maybe trust a bit more. Trust he won't be looked down to speak about his weaknesses and failings. Trust that it's okay to not always smile. Trust that his humanity can be something helpful to Tristan in their lack of true self. ]
I don't think the nightmares will go away entirely. But it's not every night. Not anymore. Maybe you just need to mix some sleeping potions or whatever in with dinner. Maybe something to totally knock me out?
[ He laughs a little. The laughter fades off into an honest smile. ]
Thanks, though. For listening. Is there anything I can do for you? I'd like to return the favor if I can...
[with a gentle laugh in their voice:] Junpei... You've already done so much! That I've been able to do this much means...I've managed to own up to the good you've done me.
[their expression sobers, sincere.] What I do understand beyond that is...that I've learned something important. To...take care of it properly. You've my word that I'll respect that knowledge as yours, to not treat it as my own to share. [though there'll be little to stop them from impressing it upon themself, to keep it as some benchmark; that part's very difficult to police from within.]
But if I hear you struggle again...what is it you would want me to do?
I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think I could trust you.
[ And it's a fairly significant step forward. Trusting someone. Talking to them about things. For so long Junpei kept so much to himself. It feels a little strange to have been open like this, but hey. Maybe it's a step in the right direction. Maybe Tristan's here to help Junpei be better than he has been. An equivocal exchange out of this rooming arrangement!
He chuckles a little at the question, shaking his head. ]
Maybe don't stand right at the door next time. But I dunno, dude. If you wanna put on some water for tea, and be out here waiting with a light on, I don't think I'd complain about that. It'd be pretty nice to know I can escape my nightmares to a safe, cozy place with some good company.
[it is always very humbling to be told they're trusted...well, trusted with more than doing simple labor. early on, lacking memory made it difficult to relate to others, and with that ignorance came the impression that they were unreliable. people spoke to them as though they were a child, and...maybe they were right to. but it only makes moments where they are given responsibility over something greater all the more important to Tristan.
not to be dramatic or anything, but they would die for Junpei's sake.
Tristan's smile is warm, gracious, and they only look back at mention of the door. they have enough self-awareness to laugh sheepishly by way of apology and nod.]
Tea and light, then. I can provide both. Do you want some now, or would you rather try to go back to sleep? I would hate for you to lose time for proper rest.
Doubt I'm getting back to sleep now, so yeah. Some tea would be great.
[ The good news is Junpei doesn't have a set schedule anymore. No school days to adhere to. So if he gets tired, he can just hunker down and nap at any point he wants. (Although he'd often doze off at school too so it's not much different. It's just back home, he'd typically get in trouble for sleeping through class.) Tristan's not likely to yell at him for dozing off here. In fact, Junpei has a hard time imagining Tristan yelling at all. ]
If you're not tired, we can stay up and read some of this cool baseball manga I got!
[ He reaches over for the book on the nightstand, waving it with a grin. ]
You'll love it!
[ Will they, though? Well. Junpei hopes they like it just as much as him because there's nothing more fun than sharing a hobby! ]
They really lean into the hero being this underdog who has what it takes to be a greater hitter, but for some reason keeps choking under the pressure. So the whole team thinks he's pretty useless. And the coach is all threatening to bench him for the rest of the season! But then, he--
[ His eyes widen. ]
Wait! Don't let me spoil it! You'll see!
[ ....Junpei will probably still spoil it even as they read it together. But it's just because he's excited, okay! With his smile back in place and the nightmare fading behind him, Junpei takes a moment to place a hand on Tristan's shoulder before they head off to make the tea. ]
Thanks, though. For hearing me out. For being a real friend. You staying with me is probably the best thing that coulda happened, yanno?
[oh, Junpei. Tristan's chest swells with gratitude and affection. they smile warmly to themself, wiping at their eyes while Junpei's futzing around at the kichenette. being considered the best of anything is a new concept, and while they're not sure they can believe it wholly true, they wouldn't call Junpei a liar, either.
all the more reason to be grateful and ever-so-careful to not betray that kindness. it may mean more confusing comic pages and cultural concepts beyond them, but they will be dutiful in engaging with it, to ask for more context that Junpei is a master in.
they're probably never going to understand that 'moe' concept, though...]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 03:16 pm (UTC)You're probably the first person to ever say there's nothing wrong with my mind. If Yuka-tan heard that, she'd come back at you with a whole list of problems I got.
[ It's spoken with a little bit of his classic humor and a quirk of his lips. He's trying to find his cheer again, trying to make them not worry about him.
Junpei reaches out and takes the beckoning hand. It might be full of scars, but Junpei's not afraid to touch it -- to clasp it as though with a solemn vow. ]
I'll find my way through. There's no choice but to move forward. For both of us, right? So we'll just keep on going. Together.
[ His hand falls away at that point. ]
That's pretty insightful though. That thing you said about people. And I'd like to believe it's true. That someday I'll be okay again.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-09 03:25 pm (UTC)that said, they lay their other hand atop Junpei's in a protective, reassuring fashion.]
I'll believe in you. And help, if I can. Let's see... [their eyes close as they think on the words - words that Aurora's translator has no means to convey through the device - words murmured gently before there is a slight buzz under their skin, a warmth that bleeds out.]
I'm searching for... The influence of outside forces that may linger around you...or have left their mark... Unseen things. Because if someone outside yourself...insisted your nightmares plague you...it may be something that can be unraveled.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-11 10:24 pm (UTC)Y-you mean like a curse?
[ Could he have been cursed?? God, if only it was that simple. Then again, there was something about that darkness on Mesa. Junpei had been exposed to it a few times and while he didn't fall victim, maybe something of it lingered? He hopes that's not the case!
And fortunately (perhaps unfortunately for a simpler solution to the problem), there's no magic forces. The only thing Tristan might sense is Junpei's persona Hermes, but that's always a part of Junpei. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-11 10:28 pm (UTC)No... That is yours, isn't it... [as far as a notion, it's blurry; like trying to see underwater. once they're sure that strange presence isn't something harmful, the spell ends and Tristan's grip eases. they do not let go of the hand, however, and blink their eyes open to look at Junpei with a bit of wonder.]
You didn't tell me you were host to your own well of power, Junpei.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-11 11:24 pm (UTC)[ There's a brief confusion. And then a light bulb goes off. ]
Oh! You mean my persona? I guess it kinda slipped my mind to mention it 'cause I need a tool in order to summon it. Until I get that, I'm just an ordinary guy, yanno? I guess it's a little like....a magic user with like crystals or something. You have the power, but you need a little something extra to bring it out.
[ He moves his hands back from Tristan's in order to reach out and ruffle their hair in that playful way of his. ]
Don't worry, dude. I wasn't trying to keep anything from ya!
no subject
Date: 2026-03-11 11:31 pm (UTC)I wouldn't-- Assume that... [they shake their head after being freed, smile twitching at a corner. no harm done: hair always ruffled and wavy.] But it only repeats a pattern with you. You've got more depths than you seem apt to presenting...
Though some, I understand your hesitance. [who wants to show and tell a trauma which haunts them in their sleeping hours?] But I do feel privileged to learn more about you.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-12 10:13 am (UTC)Well, it's all about what people think of you, right? With the exception of you, I don't think anyone's all that interested in knowing much about me. So if I want people to accept me as a leader, I gotta show them what they want to see, right? Confidence, humor, charisma for days.
[ Junpei lets out a soft laugh, though forced, leaning against the back of the couch. His eyes sweep toward the ceiling. For now, he'll choose vulnerability -- if only because Tristan is a unique case where there has been zero judgement from them. ]
And definitely not that I'm some scared kid who is struggling to handle seeing death for the first time.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-12 10:43 am (UTC)they think on their own experience, on what leading and being led feels like. right away, that surly, sharp-tongued elkin Ul'grimm comes to mind, and moreover...
'Of course I'm scared! I see dead bodies wherever we go! But that doesn't change what we have to do, now does it?'
Ul'grimm may project that unflappable front, but Tristan's seen his hands tremble, noted how little sleep he got, seen the lengths he's gone...]
My...experiences are limited to what little I remember, but... it is my understanding that a fearless leader is a risky bet. [they look back to him.] Fear is a teacher, but it can also be a captor. The right balance is hard to ascertain...and harder to attain, I think. And a leader has to go on that journey, same as any, no?
The one whose guidance I rely on in the Mothwood... He fears much. But his fear has sown wisdom in some cases, and...callousness in others. [their eyes crinkle.] I think it is why he insists I follow my own impulses, counter to his, at times. ['the shadow of Tristan's light,' he called himself. there are still many feelings to wrestle in regard to that, but...]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-13 03:19 pm (UTC)Do you trust yourself to be able to counter him? Or do you kinda feel like his trust in you in unearned?
[ A little bit like how Junpei feels toward Echo and their reasons for letting Junpei himself be here. ]
no subject
Date: 2026-03-13 03:38 pm (UTC)[
how nice they're speaking to this now, in this place, as opposed to uhhhh two weeks again in campaign when Ul'grimm fucking kicked off WW3 or whatever]But I think...I just mean to say that... Those who know you will trust you as you are. And...will help you when they can. But they have to know that you need the help. So...so being scared isn't always the weakness it feels.
[a bit of red has begun to tinge Tristan's features as they speak, a self-consciousness they're unused to holding of late resurfacing.]
Forgive me, Junpei. I...I won't tell you it's easy. It isn't. And I cannot heal that harm in you, no matter how much I wish to. But I hope I can help put you at ease should it resurface.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-16 03:20 pm (UTC)[ Junpei steps up with reassurance. He likes seeing this side of Tristan -- this bolder side that can reach into themselves and offer a great wisdom. Tristan's strength, it seems, is watching others and consistently learning. About them. About the way their mind works. And in turn about Tristan themself. Junpei would love to see more of it. Even if he will find himself the unfortunate subject of much of Tristan's observations.
Well, maybe that alone can give him strength. To try and be the best version of himself he can be! And maybe trust a bit more. Trust he won't be looked down to speak about his weaknesses and failings. Trust that it's okay to not always smile. Trust that his humanity can be something helpful to Tristan in their lack of true self. ]
I don't think the nightmares will go away entirely. But it's not every night. Not anymore. Maybe you just need to mix some sleeping potions or whatever in with dinner. Maybe something to totally knock me out?
[ He laughs a little. The laughter fades off into an honest smile. ]
Thanks, though. For listening. Is there anything I can do for you? I'd like to return the favor if I can...
no subject
Date: 2026-03-16 03:31 pm (UTC)[their expression sobers, sincere.] What I do understand beyond that is...that I've learned something important. To...take care of it properly. You've my word that I'll respect that knowledge as yours, to not treat it as my own to share. [though there'll be little to stop them from impressing it upon themself, to keep it as some benchmark; that part's very difficult to police from within.]
But if I hear you struggle again...what is it you would want me to do?
no subject
Date: 2026-03-20 04:53 pm (UTC)[ Junpei says softly. ]
I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think I could trust you.
[ And it's a fairly significant step forward. Trusting someone. Talking to them about things. For so long Junpei kept so much to himself. It feels a little strange to have been open like this, but hey. Maybe it's a step in the right direction. Maybe Tristan's here to help Junpei be better than he has been. An equivocal exchange out of this rooming arrangement!
He chuckles a little at the question, shaking his head. ]
Maybe don't stand right at the door next time. But I dunno, dude. If you wanna put on some water for tea, and be out here waiting with a light on, I don't think I'd complain about that. It'd be pretty nice to know I can escape my nightmares to a safe, cozy place with some good company.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-20 05:21 pm (UTC)not to be dramatic or anything, but they would die for Junpei's sake.
Tristan's smile is warm, gracious, and they only look back at mention of the door. they have enough self-awareness to laugh sheepishly by way of apology and nod.]
Tea and light, then. I can provide both. Do you want some now, or would you rather try to go back to sleep? I would hate for you to lose time for proper rest.
no subject
Date: 2026-03-24 12:27 pm (UTC)[ The good news is Junpei doesn't have a set schedule anymore. No school days to adhere to. So if he gets tired, he can just hunker down and nap at any point he wants. (Although he'd often doze off at school too so it's not much different. It's just back home, he'd typically get in trouble for sleeping through class.) Tristan's not likely to yell at him for dozing off here. In fact, Junpei has a hard time imagining Tristan yelling at all. ]
If you're not tired, we can stay up and read some of this cool baseball manga I got!
[ He reaches over for the book on the nightstand, waving it with a grin. ]
You'll love it!
[ Will they, though? Well. Junpei hopes they like it just as much as him because there's nothing more fun than sharing a hobby! ]
They really lean into the hero being this underdog who has what it takes to be a greater hitter, but for some reason keeps choking under the pressure. So the whole team thinks he's pretty useless. And the coach is all threatening to bench him for the rest of the season! But then, he--
[ His eyes widen. ]
Wait! Don't let me spoil it! You'll see!
[ ....Junpei will probably still spoil it even as they read it together. But it's just because he's excited, okay! With his smile back in place and the nightmare fading behind him, Junpei takes a moment to place a hand on Tristan's shoulder before they head off to make the tea. ]
Thanks, though. For hearing me out. For being a real friend. You staying with me is probably the best thing that coulda happened, yanno?
/wrap c':
Date: 2026-03-24 02:28 pm (UTC)all the more reason to be grateful and ever-so-careful to not betray that kindness. it may mean more confusing comic pages and cultural concepts beyond them, but they will be dutiful in engaging with it, to ask for more context that Junpei is a master in.
they're probably never going to understand that 'moe' concept, though...]